Am I mistaken or was carbon dioxide just ruled a deadly gas?

Now it’s been a few years since I’ve been in the classroom, but Drama Diva and Casper have science textbooks and both say that every human being exhales carbon dioxide.  And seeing as we all have to breathe, does that mean that with every breath we take, we are basically raping the earth?

Now I feel bad.  I am part of the problem just by simply existing.  My children are criminals, my husband, even my dogs could be prosecuted by the Federal government for the desecration of this planet.

THANK GOD for the new carbon footprint tax system.  This could be my way out, if only I could figure out a way to calculate my “contribution” to our global problem.  Let’s call it the Democratic Inhalation Exhalation Tax, or DIET. Every American should really pay attention to their DIET.  Keep a journal of all breathing during the day, maybe purchase a monitor for the nocturnal abuses to our world (there’s a new green job market right there).  People that require oxygen will have their DIET monitored.  All pets will have a finite number of breaths unless the owner pays an additional separate animal DIET set aside for funding alternatives to respirations.

However, until there is another viable, cost effective option, I will place my family on a restricted breathing program - one that allows for staggered but shallow exhalation.  Not all at once, of course.  In fact, at this very moment I am holding my breath so as to give my children more oxygen…………………